You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
