i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
