i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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