either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
