I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
