Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize