Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
