I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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