I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize