So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
