Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
