About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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