saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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