omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
