I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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