Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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