just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
