if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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