You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
