My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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