that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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