And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
