the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
