Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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