dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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