the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
