The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
