things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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