i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
