Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
