i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
