genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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