Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
