Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
