so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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