brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Soap is not a condiment
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
