she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
