the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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