So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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