He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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