I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
