I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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