sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
