forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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