I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
