I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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