how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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