It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it's like iHOP with fire
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
