Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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