I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
