Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize