No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
