His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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