Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
