U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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