who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
