Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
