I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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