We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
