Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
