my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When did angry sex become our thing?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's shark week go big or go home
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
