We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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