I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
