just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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