Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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