I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
